When one first starts meditating it is done with the intent of improving oneself. This of course stems from the belief that we aren’t good enough. It is a fallacy only to be realized when the time is right. For many, seeking instruction is important because they believe there is a correct way to meditate. This implies there is an incorrect way. There is no such thing as a wrong way to do anything. This is a myth that society creates and the people buy into. Yet there are still plenty of books, classes and teachers who love to tell people how to meditate. That said, I have no intention of telling you how to meditate. I intend to share my own experiences and insights from four years of meditation. There are other practices that I have employed in that time contributing to my progress in meditation, but that will not be the focus of this post. It is important to remember that everyone progresses at the pace they are going to progress. Do not compare your results with anyone else’s. The race is long and in the end it is only with yourself.
When first beginning meditation it is quite common to believe we are doing something incorrectly. The sessions can be frought with anxiety and frustration. The mind will wander incessantly. I like to call this a thought train. A thought comes along and it triggers another thought and one after the other until we realize that we are supposed to be meditating. Whatever the hell that means anyway. Let’s focus on the breath. In. Out. Then another thought train arrives and before we know it we are whisked from noticing the exhale to that thing we forgot to do at work earlier. Then frustration takes hold and we think how impossible meditation is. In addition, its causing my back to ache, not to mention the knees and ankles. How long have I been sitting here? Let’s look at our phone. Holy shit! It’s been four minutes! Fuck this. I’m done for today. For most people this is how their meditation session will go for months and months. However, sticking with a routine will pay dividends. The sessions will become longer and it will get easier. I promise. Make no mistake, the thought trains will continue to pull into the station, but they will start to get shorter as we notice that we are on the train in the first place. This observation is the basic concept of meditation. The intention is to take notice of the mind and our relationship with it.
A beautiful thing begins to happen when the time is right. As the thoughts slow down and become less they allow for space to appear between them. In that space is a peace, a calm from the incessant chatter of the mind. This stillness lends itself to insights and clarity that seem to appear out of nowhere. These insights are not the same as thinking with purpose. When we think about something there is a linear thought process. There is a start with a succession of thoughts leading to an end thought which allows us to arrive at our deliberate goal. Insights just pop into existence like an ‘a ha’ moment or an ‘of course!’ They have nothing to do with great business ideas or solving a pesky math problem. Instead, they are concerned with understanding the nature of this existence. Insights are a biproduct of meditation however, not the purpose. Meditation is about observation. When we pay attention to what is we begin to see things as they are rather than as we expect them to be.
What I consider to be the intermediate phase of meditation is when one can sit and focus on something like the breath, or the place between the eyes for an extended period of time without identifying with any thoughts. In fact, the thoughts are sparse and may only come a handful of times during a thirty minute or hour long session. Another facet of the intermediate phase is the experience of the body dropping away. Awareness seems to expand to fill the immediate space around you and perhaps even the room. It is quite a peculiar experience because it’s so unnerving at first. It is as if there is a flipping sensation and suddenly, you are aware of more than what you always thought of as you. When the body awareness drops away, the feeling of me goes with it. Instead, there is just awareness. It will probably only last seconds at first, but will linger longer as you learn to hold your focus. A good way to describe this phenomenon might be the concept of sensory adaptation. As the senses are exposed to the same stimuli , the nervous system blocks them out so-to-speak to make way for others. For example: when an aroma is introduced we noticed it, but after repeated exposure, it fades until we are no longer aware of it. The same thing happens when we sit in meditation long enough, the sensation of the body becomes filmy and obscure until it disappears. Of course, fidgeting and moving about only brings it back into awareness, which is why stillness is paramount. This same concept applies to the thought trains. Ceasing identification with them and no longer interacting with them causes them to disappear. The intermediate phase of meditation is no longer a battle with your thoughts and instead it becomes about learning to focus your awareness for longer periods of time.
The next phase of meditation, is complete absorption in the thing awareness is focused on. This is where you can have a conversation with God as well as have complete understanding of any subject you choose. Of course, at this point in your journey, you may also recognize that you are God to whom you are conversing with because everything is one and it’s all you. I promise this isn’t some schizophrenic delusion. There is no actual conversation taking place. Instead, you are merely open to allow the divine energy that is your true Self to flow through your egoic self. Understanding of the nature of reality and existence shines brightly and it all becomes clear. Naturally, words are inadequate when talking about this experience and border on what society is quick to consider insanity, but this is how it must be. The experiences at this stage become ineffable which is why great teachers of spirituality are few and far between. In fact, they are merely portals through which the Divine shines brightly. My own experiences concerning this phase of meditation have only just begun so I can’t speak extensively on it. When I sit for mediation, I don’t usually reach total absorption. It has only happened a handful of times. Sometimes I struggle with thought trains too. However, my default state is one of peace and focus. This freedom from mind has led me to be a creator of my experience rather than a victim. The important thing to note is that this process is ongoing and it will take dedication and time.