Category: Behavior

On being human

June 29, 2021 / Jayme

What does it mean to be human? This is a most interesting question indeed. At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I think it fair to say that most people have never considered the question. I would also wager the general consensus of humans is that they are the best, the single most important species on planet Earth. This wayward feeling of importance is of course a product of the ego, the idea of separateness.

The following is a thought experiment designed to illustrate how to think outside our limited perspective. Imagine a human life as if it were a fly. As humans, we observe a fly only lives thirty days. It buzzes around seemingly unaware how to get out of a room illustrated by bouncing into the window repeatedly. Then one morning we find it’s carcass upside down on the window sill. That thirty days in fly time is equivalent to eighty-eight years in human time. Flying around the room frantically trying to get out is our way of stumbling through life rushing to get somewhere and accumulate things all in the name of pleasure. In our death throws we bounce repeatedly into the window trying to make sense of our lives before we take that final breath, only to be swept from the window sill without a care. So you see, we think we’re important only because we identify with our perspective; we have an ego.

As long as one is identified with ego, they believe in their own importance; they strive to maintain their survival. Is a human more important than a grasshopper? If we could ask the grasshopper and if the grasshopper answered, surely it would demand its own survival. All of life is doing what it must to exist. We eat to stay alive. We clothe ourselves to stay warm. We make homes to provide safety. These basic needs exist in similar and varying ways for all plants and animals. The question then becomes: how conscious is each living being in regards to its own survival? Is the grasshopper aware that it and its fellow grasshoppers can destroy a farmer’s crop by swarming? Do rats understand that if left unchecked they would dominate all livable land? Do spiders realize they are trapping and killing innocent insects? While it may be true that humans are among the few species with enough ego development to be self-aware, that does not mean we are conscious, or aware, as a species. We have been slowly destroying earth’s resources just as a swarm of grasshoppers might a farmer’s crop. We have the collective ability to be better than we are, but we are only as conscious as our least conscious members.

When a natural disaster occurs peoples’ lives are upended, torn apart, and destroyed. Collectively, as humans, we think how terrible the loss of life is. The destruction of property, everything that we had built wiped away in moments, can be challenging to process. We come up with all sorts of rationalizations or answers to explain away the suffering. When someone steps on an ant hill, if they notice at all, it is usually a cursory glance and nothing more. What about the lives of the ants or their labor in constructing their home? Natural disasters are akin to humans stepping on an ant hill. Nature does not concern itself with the effects of its wake. It is just doing nature stuff. Likewise, humans do human stuff.

So many of us walk through life making decisions about what is important and what is not. We do it with no more consciousness than the grasshopper, rat, or spider. Our actions have consequences. The interconnected nature of all life means nothing takes place in a vacuum. Science is only just discovering this truth through its efforts to unravel quantum entanglement. When we make decisions we usually do so from a limited framework suited to provide maximum gratification to us. Even if it benefits our family or friends, we make decisions in which we derive some kind of gain. Many humans can barely conceive of the idea of thinking about how their actions affect their fellow human beings let alone other species on this planet. The ego places its own needs above all else and it does so with limited consciousness.

I am not suggesting that humans do not matter. Every species matters, and each is important. How each relates to the others is the focus here. What we fail to recognize as a collective species is that everything is consciousness experiencing itself through an infinite number of perspectives. In this case, every species of plant and animal that ever existed or will exist. We call ourselves human for conceptual reasons, but really its all the same; it is all consciousness. Every species has their unique way of communicating. Humans just happen to do it through speech and gestures. A cat’s meow or the flick of a squirrel’s tail accomplish the same thing. All life is intelligent and capable of manifesting that intelligence.

Intelligence can be displayed a multitude of ways. It is not limited to quantifiable information or knowledge. Plants have intelligence in that they direct themselves towards light in an effort to produce food. They also employ varying methods for spreading their seeds thus ensuring future offspring. Spend some time watching dandelion seeds glide on the wind. It is said they can travel up to a kilometer or more. That seems like a good case for intelligence. Animals possess intelligence by way of instinct. Many species of sea turtles return to the same beach where they hatched, to lay their own eggs. Dung beetles maintain their bearing using polarized moonlight and the Milky Way. They are the only known nocturnal animals to do so. That seems like a good case for intelligence. Honey bees communicate the distance, direction and quality of nectar sources to their hive members by doing the “waggle dance.” They are also one of the few known species that can count and also grasp the concept of zero. That seems like a good case for intelligence.

Humans could arguably be divided into more than one species based solely on their level of awareness, i.e., level of consciousness. For a brief overview, let us use the extremes. Highly conscious humans love and cherish each other while celebrating their differences and their contribution to life. They do not judge each other nor treat each other any differently than how they themselves would want to be treated. This is because highly conscious humans understand that everything is one and interconnected. At the other end of the extreme are found humans with very low consciousness. People in this category lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate others to get what they want, regardless of cost. They have no problem inflicting bodily harm on someone else and or kill and subject other species to suffering. Their life is the most important thing and they protect it at any cost. This would include psychopaths and sociopaths. Humans on this end of the spectrum are akin to animals but with self-awareness, i.e., knowledge that they exist. They go through the motions of life just trying to survive the best way they know how. The varying degree between these extremes is remarkable. Yet, we lump all humans into the same group.

If humans are incapable of seeing the worth of another species then that is human ignorance, and not the fault of the species in question. All life is sacred and holds value. Human beings are not better or more important than any other being. Everything fulfills its role and therefore has purpose. The ability to recognize this requires higher consciousness. Through this increased awareness, it is possible to see life from a much larger perspective. One can become conscious that a single lifetime is only a blip in the ocean of consciousness. The earth is a living system with its own ego and we are simply microbes feeding on it. Our trivial human affairs do not hold as much meaning as we like to believe, especially in relation to the vast amount of human suffering that takes place on account of it all. It is possible to perceive that all life is dancing and flowing in perfect equilibrium. Humans are just a small but essential part of this masterpiece.

The winter of Christianity

February 22, 2020 / Jayme

Was the burning of Notre Dame a portent of what is to come for Christianity? Perhaps it was a collective expression of greater humanity signaling a change. The flux of life ensures the rise and fall of all things; from birth to death, everything gets its chance to bask in the light of existence. Christianity has had nearly two thousand years. Of course, this length of time is irrelevant with respect to nature. However, with regard to the cultural evolution of humanity, which only goes back about 30,000 years, this is a significant period of time. So by those standards, Christianity has had a remarkable influence on our conscious evolution. Put another way, human collective consciousness has expressed itself through Christianity for about two millennia now.

There is a shift away from organized religion apparent in western culture today, and it has become more vigorous in the last several decades. Arguably, the dawn of the internet was a significant catalyst. Before the global web, information was shared at a drastically reduced rate, relatively speaking. The distribution of news was throttled by governing bodies and private groups with an agenda. Books and periodicals were widespread but largely limited by region. Communities grew upon their own culture and proximity. However, the internet has made a wealth of knowledge and cultural diversity available in the palm of the hand. This rapid expansion of shared ideas and experiences has ushered in a new perspective that makes way for a holistic view of humanity.

To better understand this evolution we can look to Spiral Dynamics. If you aren’t familiar with the model you should read my post here. Spiral Dynamics explains this shift as a movement from stage blue to stage orange. Christianity is founded on the virtues of stage blue where people appeal to a divine authority for guidance and good is determined by what is best for the collective. This couldn’t have been expressed better than Jesus sacrificing himself for the people. Morality arises at this stage because feelings of guilt surface in human consciousness. In beseeching direction from a higher source people are able to condemn and reward in a single sentence which in turn establishes order. By decreeing what one should do, it is also decided what is unacceptable and thus the concepts of good and bad are created. A good child obeys his or her parents while a bad child does the opposite. In reality, there is no such thing as good and bad. This distinction is a product of the mind projected onto reality.

Religious power rose under this guise of morality. The church was able to control huge populations of people by declaring its divine connection with God. Issuing orders and law allowed it to move vast communities in the direction it saw fit. The crusades were a plain example of this. Overcome the forces of evil and show others the true path to good in God. The church believed and of course still does, that the end justifies the means. After all, our salvation is in Heaven. This is a very convenient rationalization for those in power. It is the means by which the church was able to push the common people towards such beliefs that they would die for them. When dissected as such it seems so feeble, and yet to underestimate the power of belief is a grave mistake. Even to this day, people cling to this idea that they will be rewarded or punished based on how they live this one and only life. This is the remaining thread by which the church still exists today.

Make no mistake, the church doesn’t act maliciously or seek world dominance. It is ignorant of its motives and their true origin. The church truly believes that its intent is pure and that it is upholding divine will. In fact, this lack of awareness is the source of all human conflict. One perspective declares that it knows what is best and proceeds to impose this view on others. How much blood has been shed in human history under this guise? Don’t forget that it takes two. The people must be willing to follow. A quote from Edmund Burke illustrates this point perfectly, as well as the stage blue perspective. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Each being is experiencing life from its own perspective. Humans have a unique opportunity in that we have more awareness or consciousness than the other animals. This means we can achieve greater things and reach higher planes of being. That said, each human is experiencing life through different levels of awareness. Some think it is right to murder while others have no interest in harming a living thing. When Moses experienced the sacredness of life, from his limited perspective, he interpreted it as a divine law. Thou shalt not kill. And so it went with the other nine commandments.

The rules imposed by the church can be stifling. Its akin to a parent always watching over your shoulder judging every move. The moment you step out of line there is retribution. In the church’s defense, it must impose strict guidelines for living because it views the world in black and white. There can be no gray on the spectrum of good and evil. The problem lies in that no one is free to live life under these circumstances because their actions become governed by fear. Life is about expression and exploration, neither of which are fully embraced by the church. Fear smothers love and love is life. The church’s claim on divine authority is also crumbling under the weight of its policies. People are realizing that they can communicate with God on their own terms and access to the divine is available to everyone, anywhere, without aid of priest or pastor.

Another shortcoming of Christianity is that it produces the feeling of shame. In fact, all religions with a God lording over the people are designed to make the people feel ashamed for being who and what they are. Religion creates ideals and rules with which to live by that are fallible and unreasonable thus leading to the inevitable failure of the people to live up to them. This shame cuts deep and the wound is projected outward by the people. This creates the foundation of their collective reality. People are ashamed for their desires and impulses and so they keep them private and in the shadows. This kind of behavior can become deviant and abusive. Its no wonder why the Catholic church struggles with sexual abuse within its ranks. The church is creating the very foundation from which this abuse springs forth.

In Spiral Dynamics stage orange, personal achievement takes priority. Along with this comes mastery over the external environment. This creates fertile ground for the emergence of science, the new religion. Science is humanity’s attempt to understand and inevitably manipulate life. At this stage, divine authority has little sway because the power has shifted from the community to the individual. Happiness is sought in material wealth rather than the invisible embrace of God. This is what has happened in all developed nations. The church isn’t the only entity suffering however. Islam is undergoing similar struggles in The United Arab Emirates. Dubai is a city founded on opulence and human achievement in the material world. Its aim has been to turn into reality anything the people can conceive of with the goal of extreme indulgence.

The limitations of a moral code have reached their maximum. People are discovering that they decide what is good for themselves and that to defer to an authoritative figure in a far off place called Heaven is unreasonable. More and more people are experiencing that life is not about suffering, and that there is beauty and love all around. Heaven is here, now. Of course, there are those that still suffer and will continue to do so as long they look elsewhere for joy. This is why religion has gripped the population as long as it has. This tenuous grasp is now a gaunt shadow of what the church once was. Inevitably the light of realization will cast aside all shadows of ignorance as well as Christianity.

Dealing with unsavory and discourteous people

December 16, 2019 / Jayme

We’ve all experienced rude and disagreeable people and even been that person at some point in our lives. Whether it be on the road while driving, in a work environment, at a public gathering, or even in our own household, unpleasant people are part of the human experience. I want to exercise caution here though. I will be making a distinction between what we label as a not so nice and a state of mind. Let me be clear. I do not think there is such a thing as a terrible person. Mean people are a concept, a label we have created in our own experience.

Lets shift the focus to ourselves for a moment. I know that in my life experience, there have been innumerable times that I have lashed out at someone in anger. I have manipulated people or situations to benefit myself. I have stolen what didn’t rightfully belong to me and I have lied about my behavior. For most of my adult life, until 2015, I was an extremely sarcastic person. I used my intelligence and understanding as a weapon to point out the lack of it in others. I did this with a sarcastic comment here and jab there. Just recently, I had an insight that sarcasm is actually a disguised form of anger. More to the point, my past behavior is in the past. Anyone who knows me now probably wouldn’t be able to conceive of me as a terrible person. We have all been perpetrators of unsavory behavior, and yet are we nasty people for it? Absolutely not! This is the human experience; there are no mistakes.

There are two perspectives that come to mind that you can have when it comes to observing other’s rude behavior. The first would be an experience you have with someone you do not know or have never met. Perhaps they respond in an aggressive manner towards you by making an inappropriate comment leading to your own hurtful remark. Just as the emotion welled up in you to respond the way you did, so too could the emotion have burst forth from them. Who is responsible for the poor exchange of human behavior in this scenario? The answer, of course, is you. You didn’t have to respond the way you did. If a bad experience is thrust upon you why is it right for you to throw it back? That person you responded to may have just received terrible news about someone she or he loves and they lashed out at you because they were overwhelmed with emotion. This goes for any situation thrust upon you by another. You can never know what another person is going through. How they deal with it or choose to respond to it is their responsibility, not yours. Does it right the wrong done to you or teach them a lesson to be nasty back? All this behavior leads to is perpetual suffering for all parties involved.

The second observation of rude behavior I want to talk about is the chronic behavior that can be observed in someone you know. Nearly all your interactions with them have led you to believe that they are a terrible person. As I stated in the beginning, there are no terrible people. This person you have observed may be having extensive trouble coming to terms with their life situation. How someone chooses to respond in any given situation will always be a product of a thought, emotion, or interaction they previously had in their life. We are an amalgam of our experiences. Everyone’s situation is unique and complex and we all process our experiences differently. This shapes the persona we display and our interactions with others. Someone who may have had a difficult childhood or perhaps experienced a traumatic life event may be suffering extensively. That suffering maybe be manifesting as unsavory behavior when around others. In that situation, the best course of action for you might actually be to act with kindness. It could be that moment that shapes their life henceforth.

This doesn’t mean that you have to endure the distasteful behavior of others. If you are not capable of acting with kindness and you are not able to ignore them, then remove yourself from the situation. If that isn’t possible, then you have an obligation to yourself not to tolerate someone infringing on your right to happiness. It never hurts to stand up for yourself in the presence of an unsavory person. How you do that is up to you. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you do not appreciate the way they are speaking to you or acting towards you. There is no need to be rude yourself. It can be said simply without being emotionally charged. Again, this may be the catalyst that person needs that helps them come to their own realization about their behavior towards others. Self-love is about making sure your personal needs and boundaries are met. Never allow someone else to treat you in a manner that you are not comfortable with, and of course, never treat someone else in a manner in which you yourself wouldn’t want to be treated.

It is the Devil inside us all that convinces us that it is the rude and terrible people that infringe on our well being. However, the truth is that you, me, we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. Deflection, projection, and denial are the tools of the devilish ego. Yes, there are people that live their lives lost in a selfish haze of anger and hate, and yes, some of them make it their mission to spread their suffering and misery to whomever they come in contact. You have a choice of whether or not you are pulled into their maelstrom. Their drama doesn’t have to become yours. If you participate, its because your ego really wants to. You are responsible for your own experiences in this life. No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to and no one can make you do anything you don’t want to do. The sooner you take ownership of this, the sooner you will experience joy.

What is spirituality?

November 20, 2019 / Jayme

It might be easier to begin with what spirituality is not. Spirituality is not a cult and it is not a product of brainwashing. It is not a religion. It is not even religious in nature. In fact, humanity’s religion is an attempt to be what spirituality is. Spirituality is not mired in dogma the way traditional religion is. Belief is the cornerstone of all of humanity’s religions whereas spirituality is actually the dissolution of all beliefs.

Spirituality is the pursuit and exploration of the true Self. It is a personal journey inward to discover who we really are. Of course I am not talking about discovering our hopes and dreams, or finding happiness through our life’s purpose. Those things will be a natural biproduct of the spiritual journey, but they are not what is ultimately sought. Spirituality probes the origin of all existence. It is the path to uncover that which makes up all life, the universe, the very nature of reality. Spirituality is the yearning for something greater than our egoic selves. It may start with such questions as: How can I be happy? What is the purpose of life? What happens when I die? These are common precursors to starting down the spiritual path. They open up a rabbit hole like none other, as Alice discovered.

There is a natural progression or evolution in personal and social development that takes places in intelligent life. I intend to go in depth in a future post, but its relevance here is noted. As our basic needs are met, more advanced ones take their place. As it turns out, when we no longer need to fight for our survival physically or socially we have more free time to ponder and muse on the existential nature of life. However, this isn’t to say that one equals the other. Someone with no worries financially, socially, or psychologically may not be ready for the spiritual journey. Conversely, someone struggling with hunger and homelessness has no time for meditation and contemplation. The evolution of our needs is only one factor to consider for the spiritual candidate, albeit a rather important one.

There are other factors that trigger the spiritual path which we may not be aware of, such as our karma. The western world misunderstands the concept of karma. Its simplified version of whatever you do comes back to you is a gross misrepresentation. Karma refers to our past lives. Who we have been and what we have experienced shape our present situation. The point of life is to discover our true nature by experiencing what we are and what we are not. This cannot be done in one lifetime. It cannot be done in ten lifetimes. In fact, it takes hundreds if not thousands to realize and embody the ultimate Truth. Our lives are a tool to experience and come to know this Truth. Everyone is in a different phase of their journey, thus some are ready for the spiritual path while others are not. One is not better than the other. Its just different perspectives of the whole.

Another factor to consider is grace. I am still exploring this concept, but I know that it is through grace that we come to this doorstep. We cannot make ourselves ready for spirituality because there is no us. There is no me to pull the levers, so-to-speak. Everything is just a happening. I didn’t decide to pursue spirituality. There was a sequence of innumerable events that led to it; of which I didn’t do. At the time, I certainly believed that it was me calling the shots, but now I see my folly. Grace is the movement of all things. There is an incomprehensible intelligence woven into the fabric of existence, and it initiates the spiritual path at the right time.

Humanity’s religion is an introductory attempt at spirituality. All religions are solely humanity’s religion because it is the same process unfolding. The outward difference is only a product of culture. Religion attempts to explain the manifestation of the Divine through human concepts and ideologies and using limited consciousness. The core filters it uses are good vs. evil and right vs. wrong. Religion also creates authority figures to oversee its laws, both in human and Divine form. From this place religion experiences reality. Spirituality works from a place of increased consciousness because one on the spiritual path knows that good, evil, right, and wrong are all just perspectives. How can anyone be wrong when they are only operating from what they know? In spirituality there is no authority because when one lives from a place of love and compassion there is no need to be kept in check. If you see everyone as yourself and you feel love for all of creation then you could never do anything hurtful.

While on the spiritual path, one inevitably deconstructs life and reality. This includes beliefs. It becomes apparent that our reality is made up of our beliefs. We believe we were born, we will die, we live on the planet Earth, there is a past and a future. We believe our brain is the source of consciousness, that science through measurements and explanations is discovering the universe, and most importantly, we believe that we exist. All of these are beliefs that we hold as truth. They shape the way we experience life. If we believe we can die, then we will be fearful of harming our physical body or of pain. Then we label it as bad and we avoid it. If we believe money is the key to our happiness then we will strive for and hoard it. This leads to behavior that doesn’t bring joy; sometimes quite the opposite. Then we regret our actions and life choices. We find ourselves unhappy and depressed and look for ways to mend or distract us from the misery.

Spirituality is solitary work; it is necessary to be isolated from others and in some cases, society. The reason for this is that in society we develop an identity relative to other people. In other words, our experiences are always compared to those of others and in differentiating we label those differences as me or mine. When we are alone we cannot be told how we should be or who we are. Through this process we make discoveries about our true nature. This is why we hear tales of sages and mystics going into the wild to live in a cabin or cave for years. In tribal cultures, it is common for young men to be sent away for a period of time so that they may discover who they are and return transformed into a man. It is also why the shaman or priest spends much time in solitary and or with nature.

Spirituality is a personal journey that all beings undergo. There isn’t a direct path and there certainly isn’t a right way. It’s a meandering of sorts until one is finished. Some get lost longer than others and some encounter more difficult terrain. All beings will discover their true nature eventually. Sort of like the way inland water will always find its way to the ocean.

Why do humans develop eating disorders?

September 9, 2019 / Jayme

Humans are dynamic and complex beings. We engage in a myriad of behaviors, some of which are very destructive. It is estimated that ten percent of Americans will experience an eating disorder at some point in their lives. Most of those who develop this behavior do so during adolescence. This should come as no surprise, since teenagers are prone to increased stress and anxiety from their peers during this precarious phase of “finding oneself.” Rather than dive into the science of eating disorders I would like to focus on the principle reason for these habits. I mean to explore beyond social situations and idiosyncratic behaviors. I will highlight aspects that are foundational to all human beings. With this I will remind the reader that while many would consider the work of science to be that of seeking objective truth, I regard it as dogma, another belief system we cling to in search of answers. Instead, I seek understanding through direct experience; apprehending truth first-hand by way of insights into my true nature, that of humans.

Eating in the absence of hunger pains is used as a distraction mechanism by the ego to alleviate the discomfort that accompanies self-awareness. Ego is the sense of self, the awareness of the idea of a separate self existing inside of an objective reality. This conscious awareness of ourselves manifests as anxiety. I will discuss this idea further in a future post, as it is a rather complex topic. There is an innate equilibrium, or feeling of pleasantness and lack of want accessible to us all. This can become disrupted when certain needs are not met, such as the feeling of hunger. Similarly, we experience physical pain as an indication that something is wrong with the body. If the body is functioning properly, we are unaware of it. When anxiety arises, the natural inclination is to make it go away.

Imagine you are feeling anxious about something. It doesn’t matter what exactly; anxiety arises. You could sit with that anxiety and question its origin, think about the implications of letting it run its course, contemplate the nature of anxiety, or the idea of feeling. There are an infinite number of responses available to you, but that anxiety is so darned uncomfortable. Its like a car alarm that won’t turn off, or a big dumb clown blaring a squeeze horn in your face, whatever. This anxiety is seen as the problem. Its got you feeling off your equilibrium, out of vibration. You are looking for a distraction, something to alleviate this discomfort. Eating will give your mind something to chew on. So you find yourself eating even though you are not hungry. What is it that you are munching? Probably something convenient because getting rid of the anxiety has become paramount, and since media and culture dictate your food choices, convenience means processed food that is full of additives. This kind of indiscriminate eating behavior to solve the problem of anxiety will inevitably lead to a disorder and or poor physical health.

A persistent sensation of ego and strong identification with the body could mean an inclination towards maintaining a certain physical appearance in keeping with the social norm. Since being slim and lean is held as the ideal, at least in western culture, its only natural that some people develop an unhealthy relationship with food and find themselves suffering from anorexia. This is no different from the anxiety discussed previously. The source is still the same, only in this case its running far more rampant.

Of course, there are extensive reasons as to why we develop these behaviors. Science would have us digging into our past, processing our feelings, thoughts, and checking our behavior patterns. There certainly is merit to this kind of work, but I believe it could be taken to another level by simply reducing the preoccupation with the self. Focus less on ego and more on others by way of volunteering. When we devote our time and energy to helping others regardless of the cause, a shift happens. Our awareness begins to expand; our perception moves outside our ego sphere and we begin to notice things like never before. Another method for reducing the focus on our self is to find a constructive use of our free time. Boredom is an interesting challenge many people face. If we engage in an activity that we are passionate about our awareness moves away from ego and becomes centered on the task. “Time flies when you’re having fun.” When our concentration is thoroughly engaged, the thought of ego doesn’t arise.

This is a complex and emotionally charged topic. Therapeutic methods works for some and not others. There are as many approaches as there are counselors and therapists. I don’t want to discount anyone’s suffering. Those stricken with this hardship should seek help in whatever way they can until they find something that works. If we as a society want to do away with eating disorders and any self-destructive behavior for that matter, we will have to stop placing so much emphasis on the self, the ego. Our culture breeds selfies, egocentric reality tv, spotlighting athletes, Hollywood stardom, etc. The thing to remember is that each of us only exists in the light of everyone else.

Sex and gender

August 7, 2019 / Jayme

What does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man? Do we have to be one or the other? Is femininity limited to women and masculinity limited to men? The sexes is probably the single most important dichotomy that the average human considers. Every encounter is painted by our idea of sex and gender and when someone doesn’t fit into a typical role it can become a sticking point. Notice when you encounter someone, the first thing that registers in your mind is their sex. Sex refers to physiological characteristics while gender is a myriad of character traits, behaviors, and social roles that fall on a spectrum between masculine and feminine. In our western culture, people think that sex implies gender and vice versa. This myth is unraveling every day especially as the dawn of the internet sheds more light upon the human perspective.

Our interactions with each other are predicated upon sex and gender. We have been indoctrinated into this dynamic and so we aren’t aware of it. Not only does another person’s sex or gender affect the way we interact with them, but also our own identifications with our sex and or gender. These sometimes subtle interactions include behavior changes, emotional sensitivity, and heightened awareness. For most people, these changes occur without them even knowing. Only when we become aware of our behavior can we start the work of understanding.

In western culture, there is far too much emphasis on male and female. It begins even before a baby is born. The sex of the baby determines the color of the nursery and what clothes are purchased. There are “gender reveal parties.” This illustrates my point entirely. People are celebrating the revelation of their baby’s sex and they are calling it gender. I’m all for celebrating in the joy of an impending birth, but all too often this is secondary to the knowledge of a child’s sex. Parents are making plans and projecting expectations in relation to whether it’s a boy or a girl.

Women used to be considered the fairer sex. It was thought that women couldn’t take care of themselves and that they needed a man to protect them and manage their affairs. In some cultures today, women are still treated as property and they are considered the source of a man’s uncontrollable sexual desire. These beliefs influenced the way men treated women and even the way women interacted with one another. Even though great strides have been taken away from these myopic ideas, their effects are still echoing through our culture today. In spite of that, women are increasingly being seen as men’s equal. Masculine acts once considered natural such as holding the door for a woman, pulling out her chair, and standing up from the table when she also stands up are falling by the way. While physical beauty remains to be the hallmark of femininity, women are showing that they will not be constrained by such narrow views.

Men aren’t the only perpetrators here. Women have done their share to place men in a box. Men have been the ones tasked with going to war. Only until recently have women been afforded the opportunity to show their courage on the battlefield. Men have dominated leadership roles in the workforce and continue to do so. What most likely began as a masculine instinct to provide has recently begun to acquiesce in favor of a feminine approach to the labor pool. It is thought by some that men aren’t capable of constructive expression of their feelings and so fall prey to the masculine burden of bearing them silently. Not so long ago, it was thought that women should be the ones to fulfill the feminine role of caring for and nurturing the household and family. Today, men are filling these shoes quite well. The interactions between men and women and the idea of femininity and masculinity are complex and extremely nuanced. They are a product of human evolution just as politics and law. The goal is not to condone nor condemn sexist ideology and behavior, but merely point it out so that we can become more conscious.

Those people whose sex does not align with their gender might consider themselves transgender. Many transgender people go out of their way to portray a gender role that is normally ascribed to the opposite of their given sex. For example: a trans woman is a genetically born male who identifies as female. In many cases, she will take on the gender role of hyper-femininity as a means of getting as far as she can from her assigned masculine role because of her male sex. She may gravitate towards feminine color palettes, wear sexy dresses, play coy, and dote on men. These are her ideas of femininity which of course she learned from societal indoctrination. Once we transcend femininity and masculinity we will be free to just be, without trying to fit into a category. These distinctions and labels can be quite muddled because human beings are complex and the factors at play are infinite. This the trouble with categorizing and attempting to confine anything within a definition.

The rise of transgender and genderqueer culture is an expression of the human collective that desires to break free from the dichotomy that has been in place for so long. Do not misunderstand me. Transgender, genderqueer, and the likes have been a feature of humanity since its dawn, but only until recently has it become more accepted. This acceptance has ushered in a blossoming or perhaps a celebration from the constrictive ways of thinking in the past. Thinking outside the typical gender box is really an example of creative expression. All of life is creativity being realized. As humans we are also fulfilling that role. The only rules that exist are the ones we confine ourselves to.

Male and female sex organs came about for the purpose of procreation. Looking towards the future, they offer no clear advantage from an evolutionary perspective especially as we move from a species struggling for survival to one that is creating its own destiny. The human species is already exploring alternatives to the act of sexual intercourse. Lets face it, its inefficient and susceptible to natural deviations. The pleasure aspect from sexual intercourse can and will be transcended. Certainly in the beginning, just as all life has certain needs to proliferate, humans relied on primitive drives such as pleasure. The process of evolution is essentially changes to the way an organism and its reality interact with one another. When something is no longer necessary for life, it ceases to be.

I believe that the future holds a being of no sex or gender. These labels are merely a categorization or even a limitation of the human being. Of course, this is millennia from now and its merely a conceptual expression of how I see the evolution of human life. There will no longer be a need for different sexes. I realize this may be hard to envision, but its no different than the appendix or molar teeth. Because the dichotomies of masculine and feminine or man and woman have existed for so long it could be difficult to imagine a reality without them. Not so long ago the scientific-minded community thought the earth was flat or that the sun moved in relation to the earth and they believed that bloodletting someone could cure them of disease. For people then, these things weren’t questioned only accepted. Just as Pythagoras, Nicolaus Copernicus, and John Hughes Bennett defied the norm, there are those of us who question sex and gender.

My responsibility is limitless

July 5, 2019 / Jayme

“My responsibility is limitless. My action is limited.” When I heard these words, I was astounded at how much weight they carried. These words spoken by Sadhguru, affected me in a transformative way. It was as if I’d known all along, but had forgotten. So when I heard this I remember thinking, “Of course I’m responsible.” Sadhguru is someone who has touched me deeply and the sacrifices that he has made and continues to make on behalf of humanity are monumental. Sadhguru is responsible for starting the Isha Foundation which is a non-profit global organization that contributes in various ways. Of course, I would encourage everyone to discover this impact for themselves rather than take my word for it.

I shall bring clarity to these two statements. The first: “My responsibility is limitless.” This means I am accountable indefinitely. There is no category of life where this does not apply. I am accountable for my well-being. I am accountable for the well-being of others. I am accountable for the human impact on earth. I am accountable for the life that is happening. This notion may seem radical and one may find themselves asking, “How am I accountable for what other people do.” To that I would answer, “You cannot control other people’s behavior, but when you take responsibility for it you have the power to affect people in a way that does influence their behavior. If someone has a penchant for anger accompanied by disregard for others and you show them kindness and compassion, they will be forever changed. This isn’t to say that they will be reformed on the spot. More likely, the kindness you show them will contribute to their growth which has no expiration date. We may not always be aware of it, but our attitudes, thoughts, and behavior are affecting and being affected by others around us. The second statement: “My action is limited.” This means that I have a finite mode. There are limitations on what I can spend my time on and the methods I use. It is not reasonable to assume I can clean up all of the trash in world’s oceans, but I can be mindful of the waste I create and arm myself with the knowledge of how it accumulates. My behavior will indirectly impact those I encounter resulting in more people becoming aware. All changes start off with a single thought before they become the grandest of manifestations. Since my actions are limited it becomes ever more important to focus my efforts mindfully.

Once you accept responsibility for the quality of your life you are empowered. When you truly get it; when these words echo within, the truth reverberates throughout and alters your perspective. A paradigm shift occurs and you understand that you are the one accountable. There is nothing that can stop you except for you. There is no longer a desire to blame anyone or anything. You are a victim no more. You are now the author, the creator of your life.

Most people, and yes I do mean most, haven’t accepted this. Instead, they look to other sources for their unhappiness. Its subtle, but this is done for a very specific reason. People want to play at being the victim. They have to believe that things happen to them in order to perpetuate the game. If they are the character within the fiction rather than the author, they are allowed to be at the mercy of the ups and downs, the anxiety, the fear, the sorrow, the laughter, the love, and the joy that make up the deliciousness that is life. This careful arrangement is the result of people not ready to accept the truth of who they are. This is alright because we all have our own path and we are ready in our own time.

How to change behavior

July 2, 2019 / Jayme

Behavioral change is not difficult. The process itself is actually quite easy. The key is the willingness to change. That is usually the missing component. Too often people set out to change their behavior, but end up failing. This is evident in that the self-help industry is worth over ten billion dollars annually. We like the idea of change and we certainly muse on its outcomes. Thus, we embark on the journey only to quickly find out that it is a lot of work. A temporary behavior change may result in the face of fear. The nature of fear is such that it cannot produce lasting results and so people will almost always fall back into their modus operandi. There are of course exceptions to every rule. However, those shackled to fear are certainly not living a harmonious life. Rather than focus on resistance though I will highlight the process of change for those willing. All one needs to start is the genuine desire.

For the sake of this post, lets define behavior as thoughts, spoken words, or actions. These three are foundational for how we express ourselves and also what we experience. That means our behavior really is the cornerstone for what kind of life we live. Again, until this connection is made for you on an experiential level, you won’t have a desire to alter your patterns.

With the desire in place we can begin. The first phase is arguably the most difficult. However, if one can master it, the rest of the process falls into place seamlessly. Be aware; be present. Notice every thing you say, do, and every thought you identify with. If you can do this, you’re halfway there. By noticing your behavior patterns you can start to unravel and modify them.

Lets use the following example: you want to stop saying, “I’m sorry” because you have realized that you are apologizing for your behavior or even the behavior of others in an unhealthy way. Start by being aware every time you use those two words. Recognize it the moment it happens and then make a conscious effort to acknowledge that you no longer wish to say, “I’m sorry.” Replace it with something appropriate to the situation, but make sure its empowering and reinforces the new behavior you wish to develop. Do this every time without exception. If you miss an opportunity, don’t berate yourself. Instead, recognize that it happened and remind yourself you’ll notice it next time.

At first you will slip, but its natural since it has been a regular pattern in your behavior. It takes time to undo that part of you that so much energy has gone into. This ties into the ego perfectly. The ego is the idea of who we think we are, and also the collection of energy that makes up who we’ve become and how we experience reality. You are molding and reshaping your very essence. This will take time and persistence, just as the behavior you are trying to affect did. In doing so, you are also empowering yourself by becoming more conscious and taking control over how you experience life.