We’ve all experienced rude and disagreeable people and even been that person at some point in our lives. Whether it be on the road while driving, in a work environment, at a public gathering, or even in our own household, unpleasant people are part of the human experience. I want to exercise caution here though. I will be making a distinction between what we label as a not so nice and a state of mind. Let me be clear. I do not think there is such a thing as a terrible person. Mean people are a concept, a label we have created in our own experience.
Lets shift the focus to ourselves for a moment. I know that in my life experience, there have been innumerable times that I have lashed out at someone in anger. I have manipulated people or situations to benefit myself. I have stolen what didn’t rightfully belong to me and I have lied about my behavior. For most of my adult life, until 2015, I was an extremely sarcastic person. I used my intelligence and understanding as a weapon to point out the lack of it in others. I did this with a sarcastic comment here and jab there. Just recently, I had an insight that sarcasm is actually a disguised form of anger. More to the point, my past behavior is in the past. Anyone who knows me now probably wouldn’t be able to conceive of me as a terrible person. We have all been perpetrators of unsavory behavior, and yet are we nasty people for it? Absolutely not! This is the human experience; there are no mistakes.
There are two perspectives that come to mind that you can have when it comes to observing other’s rude behavior. The first would be an experience you have with someone you do not know or have never met. Perhaps they respond in an aggressive manner towards you by making an inappropriate comment leading to your own hurtful remark. Just as the emotion welled up in you to respond the way you did, so too could the emotion have burst forth from them. Who is responsible for the poor exchange of human behavior in this scenario? The answer, of course, is you. You didn’t have to respond the way you did. If a bad experience is thrust upon you why is it right for you to throw it back? That person you responded to may have just received terrible news about someone she or he loves and they lashed out at you because they were overwhelmed with emotion. This goes for any situation thrust upon you by another. You can never know what another person is going through. How they deal with it or choose to respond to it is their responsibility, not yours. Does it right the wrong done to you or teach them a lesson to be nasty back? All this behavior leads to is perpetual suffering for all parties involved.
The second observation of rude behavior I want to talk about is the chronic behavior that can be observed in someone you know. Nearly all your interactions with them have led you to believe that they are a terrible person. As I stated in the beginning, there are no terrible people. This person you have observed may be having extensive trouble coming to terms with their life situation. How someone chooses to respond in any given situation will always be a product of a thought, emotion, or interaction they previously had in their life. We are an amalgam of our experiences. Everyone’s situation is unique and complex and we all process our experiences differently. This shapes the persona we display and our interactions with others. Someone who may have had a difficult childhood or perhaps experienced a traumatic life event may be suffering extensively. That suffering maybe be manifesting as unsavory behavior when around others. In that situation, the best course of action for you might actually be to act with kindness. It could be that moment that shapes their life henceforth.
This doesn’t mean that you have to endure the distasteful behavior of others. If you are not capable of acting with kindness and you are not able to ignore them, then remove yourself from the situation. If that isn’t possible, then you have an obligation to yourself not to tolerate someone infringing on your right to happiness. It never hurts to stand up for yourself in the presence of an unsavory person. How you do that is up to you. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you do not appreciate the way they are speaking to you or acting towards you. There is no need to be rude yourself. It can be said simply without being emotionally charged. Again, this may be the catalyst that person needs that helps them come to their own realization about their behavior towards others. Self-love is about making sure your personal needs and boundaries are met. Never allow someone else to treat you in a manner that you are not comfortable with, and of course, never treat someone else in a manner in which you yourself wouldn’t want to be treated.
It is the Devil inside us all that convinces us that it is the rude and terrible people that infringe on our well being. However, the truth is that you, me, we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness. Deflection, projection, and denial are the tools of the devilish ego. Yes, there are people that live their lives lost in a selfish haze of anger and hate, and yes, some of them make it their mission to spread their suffering and misery to whomever they come in contact. You have a choice of whether or not you are pulled into their maelstrom. Their drama doesn’t have to become yours. If you participate, its because your ego really wants to. You are responsible for your own experiences in this life. No one can make you feel anything you don’t want to and no one can make you do anything you don’t want to do. The sooner you take ownership of this, the sooner you will experience joy.