Behavioral change is not difficult. The process itself is actually quite easy. The key is the willingness to change. That is usually the missing component. Too often people set out to change their behavior, but end up failing. This is evident in that the self-help industry is worth over ten billion dollars annually. We like the idea of change and we certainly muse on its outcomes. Thus, we embark on the journey only to quickly find out that it is a lot of work. A temporary behavior change may result in the face of fear. The nature of fear is such that it cannot produce lasting results and so people will almost always fall back into their modus operandi. There are of course exceptions to every rule. However, those shackled to fear are certainly not living a harmonious life. Rather than focus on resistance though I will highlight the process of change for those willing. All one needs to start is the genuine desire.
For the sake of this post, lets define behavior as thoughts, spoken words, or actions. These three are foundational for how we express ourselves and also what we experience. That means our behavior really is the cornerstone for what kind of life we live. Again, until this connection is made for you on an experiential level, you won’t have a desire to alter your patterns.
With the desire in place we can begin. The first phase is arguably the most difficult. However, if one can master it, the rest of the process falls into place seamlessly. Be aware; be present. Notice every thing you say, do, and every thought you identify with. If you can do this, you’re halfway there. By noticing your behavior patterns you can start to unravel and modify them.
Lets use the following example: you want to stop saying, “I’m sorry” because you have realized that you are apologizing for your behavior or even the behavior of others in an unhealthy way. Start by being aware every time you use those two words. Recognize it the moment it happens and then make a conscious effort to acknowledge that you no longer wish to say, “I’m sorry.” Replace it with something appropriate to the situation, but make sure its empowering and reinforces the new behavior you wish to develop. Do this every time without exception. If you miss an opportunity, don’t berate yourself. Instead, recognize that it happened and remind yourself you’ll notice it next time.
At first you will slip, but its natural since it has been a regular pattern in your behavior. It takes time to undo that part of you that so much energy has gone into. This ties into the ego perfectly. The ego is the idea of who we think we are, and also the collection of energy that makes up who we’ve become and how we experience reality. You are molding and reshaping your very essence. This will take time and persistence, just as the behavior you are trying to affect did. In doing so, you are also empowering yourself by becoming more conscious and taking control over how you experience life.